Deore: An Evolution
Written by: Gabrielle Sorge
After leaving home, it can take many of us decades to sift through the ghosts of childhood. For a select few of us, our moxy—arguably a survival mechanism yet surely a superpower—thrusts us into “the work” pretty immediately. Vulnerable, self-aware, grounded, and deeply connected to her “why,” Marissa Butler, aka Deore, offers a forgiving blueprint on trusting and loving oneself enough to evolve.
For Marissa, music as a portal into a deeper knowing didn’t just begin in the immediate years after leaving home. Marissa fronted a shoegaze band in college, playing her way through grimy basements and working as a CNA. Music was catharsis, and everything else was a distraction. In the haze of experimental, ethereal, existential expression, Marissa felt more visible than ever before. The more illuminated she became, the more she cringed at the thought of being seen: An incredibly human and daunting problem to hold.
Of all the decisions placed before Marissa in her twenties, marriage was one of the easier ones for her and Joe, Marissa’s partner. In 2017, as spouses, the couple followed Joe’s work to Japan, where Marissa worked as a nanny. Despite the long hours and little room for stillness, she enjoyed what filled her days. Regardless of what else sat on Marissa’s plate, the drivers of her life—curiosity and meaningful connection—led her back to a purpose.
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Marissa began learning about kink in an online D/s forum. In this space, she found her people. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a space where she could feel accepted, comfortable, and empowered to identify with the nuances and subtleties that go into kink. With this momentum, Marissa felt empowered to share this part of herself with Joe. Met with love, Marissa bloomed and shared the wealth, making it her mission to create space for the community that held her so lovingly.
As it goes, with all new growth comes inevitable loss. Variables shifted, Marissa left her nursing job, and she suddenly found herself at a crossroads: Either take a more complex look at her past or let it overshadow her present. Bravely, in this newfound stillness, Marissa chose to listen to herself a little more closely. As she processed the abuse and confusion that enveloped her childhood, she let the music guide her healing.
Creating Sink or Swim, Marissa’s first EP, was an unfamiliar process performed in unfamiliar territory. Marissa scooped her insides and threw them into her craft on a laptop sprawled over her and Joe’s apartment floor. She spun her inner monologue into catchy, heartfelt tracks. Still, despite her dedication to online voice lessons, YouTube tutorials, and Reddit rabbit holes about the elusive and not-so-elusive “algorithm,” Sink or Swim flew under the radar after its 2020 release.
In the few years between Sink or Swim’s release and the subsequent project, Marissa lived many lives, involving a move back from Japan to the States. Throughout this transition, Marissa continued to explore consensual power dynamics. She saw freedom in the communication, consent, and emotional investment punctuating her experience in a D/s relationship. Finding ways to reframe the violence and trauma that informed her understanding of love was empowering and rejuvenating. As the worlds of both kink and music began to collide, Deore herself began to take shape.
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In December of 2022, Marissa released a song titled Soul Tie with Charlotte artists Yung Citizen and Jason Cavone. Riding the wave, Marissa planned to release another track titled brat (humor me) in April 2023.
As we somehow so easily forget, life doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. Grieving the loss of her collaborator and estranging herself from a parent, Marissa felt unsure of next steps. All she knew is that what would come hereafter required gumption. Nervous about exposing more of herself, Marissa feverishly wrote a throwaway album ahead of the actual album, eventually labeled The Brat EP. When she arrived at the recording session, she decided to rise to her challenge: Make the music she always needed but never had.
Once released, brat (humor me) flew under the radar. Marissa continued to learn all she could about self-promotion in the age of TikTok. Here, she found her people. From a secret TikTok, after blocking everyone she had ever known, she unleashed her new single to the TikTok Gods. Quickly discovered by a spicy corner of the internet called “BookTok”, brat (humor me) gained the traction it had long deserved. Within a few months, the single reached 20K streams on Spotify. It was the momentum she needed to move towards another EP.
Recording The Brat EP sent Marissa into a haunted house of emotions. Every track was cathartic, terrifying, and exhilarating to record. The Brat EP harbors sparkly, accessible, celebratory tracks about consensual power forces, kink, sub and dom dynamics, and feeling empowered to embody desire authentically. Marissa realized more people could hear her songs than she’d imagined, those people would make their own meanings, and the perception would be out of her control. Unpredictability looming, she charged ahead. If anyone was to make space for the world of kink in music, it would be Deore.
The first single off The Brat EP, Catch Me If You Can, did not reach much of an audience. Yet, despite blocking everyone she knew and a shadow-banned TikTok, Marissa eventually found her way to the right people. She experimented with Instagram amidst the full album release, dabbling in self-promotion and having fun with the DIY of it all. Marissa went from feeling imprisoned by a curated artist-to-content creator pipeline to feeling connected to the excitement of what was possible.
“It had an actual pulse, and I was dialed in.”
She started dropping teasers, leaking just the hooks, and making promotional videos. Ten days after putting out The Brat EP, Tell Me I’m in Trouble went viral on Instagram.
“I felt ill when recording Tell Me I’m in Trouble because once it’s out there, it doesn’t belong to me anymore. When it enters the world, it changes and becomes its own entity.”
As it turns out, what it became was an entry point. Fans explained how much Marissa’s music helped them discuss orientations toward kink with their partners. Marissa received fan art inspired by the album and sweet messages about feeling seen by Marissa’s lyrics.
Marissa’s magic is in her approach. She has obvious talent, charm, and warmth. But what you can’t find as readily is a genuine desire to dismantle the ego for the sake of connection.
“What resonates the most with people is giving them the words for something they’re afraid to say.”
Marissa’s evolution into Deore mirrors the reparenting of oneself. Like any of life’s significant hauntings, the ghosts of childhood never really leave us. They morph, shapeshift, and re-emerge just as we think they’ve dissipated. If we’re lucky, they remind us of how far we’ve come. They cheer us on in the distance as we learn to become our own champions—as we understand how to champion one another.